Why I hate a good birthday party

So there is this place. I hate this place. It is my worst nightmare. My children love this place. It has lots of noise, wierd carpet that looks like it was on saved by the bell, dirty arcades, a playground that is begging for you to loose sight of your children for minutes at a time, and miniature golf. After an hour driving down the fwy in traffic we arrived and I could just tell it was going to be awesome. A birthday party. Lots of kids. Here are the top ten signs that you will have an awesome afternoon at this so called place...
the following events may or may not have actually occurred in the following order:
- The table is set with neon yellow popcorn, soda, and a bowl full of french fries that is the size of my oven in width.
- We arrive forty five minutes before the rest of the guest and therefore after popcorn and soda and waiting in a confined space my kids were running around in circles through other families birthday parties and yet I was ok with it as long as they didn't hit anyone with a balloon.
- bathrooms are upstairs only. All other events are downstairs.
- When you have a toddler who is potty training just because you have gone upstairs three times in a row does not mean that you should ignore said fourth trip.
- a toddler who is not tall enough to go on any rides and yet fast enough to get easily distracted by the 100 games yet is not given any tokens will in fact cry.
- Every time Israel put a token in the machine I secretly wanted to play
- I might have lost three quarters that I found in the returns of games
- Tickets booths for trade in toys that will break in 10 seconds drive me crazy. More junk to bring home and yet all kids take at least 16 minutes deciding what they want. Israel came home with 3 army men and two ninjas. Awesome.
- I think all kids go up to the ticket booths thinking they are gonna be able to get the lava lamp. I saw at least two kids cry.
- Aubrey might have fallen into the most dirty toilet ever.
- Apparently I am not above letting my daughter walk around Boomers in a diaper and her cousins ruffle black jacket that buttons with one button in the chest then flairs down revealing her 2yr old belly and diaper in the most awesome way.
- Apparently I am not above letting my daughter run around an arcade in just a diaper.
- When about to embark in an hour and a half car ride home do not give your son a Slurpee for bribery to be quiet. It will bite you every time.
It was an awesome day.