Sugar High, Heart low.

2013 has started with a bang. Three trips to urgent care and January isn't even over yet. Kurto has shingles. I have an ear infection. My daughter has a birthday. Israel has an ungrateful heart. Sibling birthdays can do that to you. I realize this. Taking Israel to Toys R Us and loading the cart with pink glitter things was really difficult if I am honest. I did try and redeem the situation by taking him to Krispy Cream. The kid had never been. So we watched donuts being made, glazed & eaten. This did not help the situation as I had thought. I ended up with an ungrateful hearted kid that was on a sugar high. Not my best parenting moment for sure. This parenting stuff is not for the faint of heart. One is struggling in obvious ways. The other is being "good" and being praised but I am quite aware of the dangers that come with that too. Our hearts are too quick to believe we are good and have it all together. I am on the fence about who is harder to parent. The child that is bold in their sin, quick to repent or the child that has sin masked by cuteness and the "right answer". The more I parent the more aware I am of my own sin. I want to throw a fit in the store. I want to tell my whiny child that it isn't fair. That I had to spend my birthday money on groceries how do you like that for fair? My own heart is highlighted and the more my child acts out the more I want to raise my fist in the air. It is so intense sometimes. Confronting your own sin while trying to confront your child, guide them, raise them, lead them to repentance. Like I said, this refinement stuff is hard. I am learning the emotional side of parenting. It was much easier to be up in the night loosing sleep from changing diapers, sheets, feeding babies. These days I am up in the night in intercession, going over the day in my head, trying to figure out the character of myself, my children. But I have the promise that "perserverience produces character..." I have ordered a book called Good & Angry. Exchanging frustration for character in you and your child I am hoping for some breakthrough. Trying to have discernment on choices, rewards, lack of attention, too much attention. Trying to remember at the end of the day LOVE wins above any parenting book, activity, routine, or discipline. LOVE never fails. And on that note I leave with an activity that I love & apparently so does my little. Cupcakes.