Saturday, March 19, 2011
My mind has been cluttered. This last week was busy. Another week filled with the dental chair, home school gone wrong, cat litter episodes (and yes it involved Aubrey), and the business of working at night trying to fold enough tissue paper to pay for said root canal/crown/cavity/rotting 80yr old mouth. That is not however why my mind was cluttered. My mind was at war with itself. Flesh against spirit really. On Wednesday night at church a week in a half ago now the worship leader started playing this intense song. I was so stirred in my spirit that I typed it out in my phone. It just would not leave my heart the following days. It is as follows:
Trouble won't go. Peace won't stay.
Oceans roar. Levies break.
Trouble won't go.
Peace won't stay.
Earth gives way.
Ain't no refuge but you my God.
Ain't no safe place but in your arms.
I'm gonna be still.
I'm gonna be still.
It was powerful. The song wouldn't go out of my mind for the following days. And then I opened my computer one morning and saw the news of Japan. And that song. It began again. It played over and over as I scrolled through the images. As I sat in the dental chair I watched the news for three hours straight. A story of a man with a paralysed wife who couldn't pull her wheel chair up the hill and carry his son. His wife told him to run and he did saving his son, watching her trail back. Terrible. Terrifying. Troubling things. All that is within me wants to go to Costco, get water, get prepared for California rumblings which are sure to come. But in my spirit I know these things to be futile. I cannot get enough in the natural to make things ok. I can have wisdom and do a few things but what do you do when your entire world is rocked? When radiation is found in the food supply? When cities are wiped out? As I went out to celebrate a family members birthday this week I was cut in the heart again. We went out for Japanese food. Beautiful restaurant. Beautiful people. Beautiful culture. And yet we are celebrating and Japan is in turmoil. As I looked around I began to want to run away and weep. At the same time I desire to live in the present and celebrate the life of Kurt's brother. Celebrate family. I don't want to live in the future and miss the opportunities that God has right now to live life richly, celebrate and enjoy family. But the nagging continues. What I have purposed in my heart is to enjoy in the moment now, but not be blindsided by things to come. The preparation has to be inside me heart, strenghted by the Holy spirit. A Holy fear of the Lord. The safe place is not in a shelter prepared for survival. The Lord alone is the shelter. Clinging to Him alone will be the only safe place when the storm comes. And come it will I am sure.