Saturday, September 23, 2006
So right now I am trying to remember every detail from last night. Last night I had coffee in hand (a must for spiritual revelation past 10pm), Izzy to bed, and a house to myself. I flipped on the service and Dana was intruducing Song of Songs. I knew God wanted to break in but i didn't think He would do it how he did. So she was talking about how God is ravished by us. From one glance of our eyes, and each strand of our necklace. I started crying (it didn't take much). She was saying how in her early days of laboring in prayer how she would feel so unproductive, and ask God "don't you know I could be doing something really great for you?". It is in the hard, laborsome, boring times with God where it seems like there is no revelation, no angelic visitation, just hard silent stretches that God says "I am ravished by one glance of your eyes". God cares that we look to him in these long seasons. He loves that we come looking for him. He keeps a book that has every glance recorded and he keeps a bottle of our tears. (this was new to me). One day in heaven God will say "remember that day? I do - I wrote it down and I was so thrilled you looked to me..." This is what really got the tears flowing because when I'm doing dishes and praying, or am stuck in the house while Israel is sleeping I often think... if i were single, or God don't you know what I could do for you if this or if that... and yet God is thrilled with the process. That my will (neck) is turned towards him and that my disciplines and decisions (beads on my necklace) are each counting for Him. He loves me and through this love, I can know Him which is far more important than doing something for Him. How can I serve that which I do not first know? I must first "love the Lord my God" before I can "love my neighbor as myself". The serving comes through the love. Thank you Jesus for this season of learning your love.